So, I’ll be turning 23 soon and there’s been a lot going through my mind.
I first started thinking about the future a couple of days ago and I’ve realised that I’m slowly, but surely, moving in the right direction. Life’s not going to be easy for the next year or so. But then, it shouldn’t be.
Now, as I try to balance the enjoyable, but time-demanding work of YouTubing, Blogging, Waitering (as in, IRL) and studying, I don’t often get the chance to step back and take in all that’s happening. Let alone, do nothing else but think for very long.
But here it is, 23… soon… And I know it’s not a milestone number or anything. It’s more of another year passing and “so what?”. But to me, it’s the age I am when I finally know what I’m doing and where I’m going. By no means am I anywhere close to being completely organised. It’s all still a mess, really. Financially, not good. Job doesn’t pay all that much. It’s enough, but barely. Schoolwork is a case of barely hanging on. Still haven’t settled into my video schedule. And, worst of all, this page is being neglected.
Sound horrible, doesn’t it.
But, on the bright side, it’s all the hallmarks of a transition. If you haven’t seen my about page. I’d suggest taking a look at it. That way, this post will definitely make more sense.
After leaving a fairly secure career to go back to school, I’m now effectively in transition. I may have already started school but that’s just one facet of this whole new lifestyle.
There’s been ups and downs, for sure. And a lot of changes had to be made. One thing’s for sure, though, I been able to finally embrace who I am. I’m a gamer. Completely and utterly unabashedly, so. Looking back now, I’m shocked that I used to have to suppress that side of me at all.
Having poor vision as a child, I needed spectacles early on. You can only imagine the bullying over something like that, growing up.
So, I turned to games. In a game, I could be anybody. I could save the world a million times over. I had to power to heal, or to kill. I had everything that my physical self could never dream of having at the time.
I can definitely agree if you feel that’s sort of tragic. But, it’s true. That’s how I really felt as I was growing up.
It wasn’t very healthy for me, for sure. I didn’t have a very happy schooling life either. Never really had a good grip with emotions, I think. I was always getting into fights. Most of which I wouldn’t win. And then, in another moment, being hopelessly smitten by the sight of a girl I barely knew and either doing nothing, or being ridiculously extreme.
As you can imagine, none of that ever worked.
After I left school back in 2007, I joined the army about a year later. It wasn’t the easiest of transitions. I had to simultaneously adjust to the culture of a different country and the regimented way of life.
Friends that I made as the years went by, either didn’t really share my interests or somehow left me feeling closed in one way or another. Sad as it may sound, but having to hold up a facade for the sake of friendship is something nobody should ever have to do.
I felt like my love of gaming was a cherished pet that I had to hide and neglect, lest others find him.
But now, I look onto the years ahead and smile. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders and now I can truly embrace who I am and who I want to be.
There’s people I want to thank and you can find them on my about page. These great people, whether they know it or not, have helped to lift that weight off.
So anyway, I now would like to properly announce my that my birthday is coming this Saturday, 9th November. And, I will be doing a Q&A VLOG with something of a “Draw my life” feel to it. It’s not exactly a “draw my life” but it’s similar.
And, I’d like to answer your questions! So, simply send me your questions, either in the comments below or on twitter! Tweet your questions with the tag: #PanzerSGQA and I will answer them!
Thanks for reading! Have a nice day!